Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey, hey, hey. It's me coming back to visit my old friends here on the Fighting for Connection podcast. The first two episodes of the Marriage Essentials podcast have dropped. The Marriage Essentials podcast is just a bigger, better rebranded version of the Fighting for Connection podcast. Rebranded version of the Fighting for Connection podcast. I've just really pivoted into a new business and wanted to bring all of you guys on over there. I am going to publish here the first episode of the Fighting for Connection podcast just to give you a flavor of what it's all about, what we're doing over there of the Marriage Essentials Podcast. I guess that's going to be something that I have to navigate through these two different names, but you're going to hear some really well put together practical tips, tools and advice. And I want to let you know that there's a really special guest coming on, episode number six. I've already interviewed this guest. Really excited to have this guest on the Marriage Essentials podcast and I don't want you to miss out on it. So listen in to the first episode of the Marriage Essentials podcast and make sure that you go over and you subscribe to this podcast. It will be dropping, with new episodes every Monday at 5 am, so you will not miss an episode as long as you're subscribed. Listen in. I hope you enjoy Episode number one, marriage Essentials for you.

Speaker 1: 1:52

Welcome to the Marriage Essentials podcast, where we dive deep into the art and science of building a strong, loving and lasting marriage. I'm Brett, your host, and each week I'll bring you expert advice, heartfelt stories and practical tips to help you nurture and grow your relationship. Whether you're newlyweds or celebrating decades together, there's something here for you. So join me for a cup of coffee and let's discover the essentials of a happy marriage together. All right, welcome to a brand new podcast called the Marriage Essentials Podcast. If you don't know who I am already, I'm Brett. I will be your host throughout this podcast. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, a relationship coach. I've be your host throughout this podcast. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, a relationship coach. I've been a husband for just about 12 years and I'm a father to seven wonderful kids. Together with my amazing, wonderful wife named Kelsey. We live in Buffalo, minnesota.

Speaker 1: 3:00

I have been super passionate and super curious around relationships for quite some time now. Back in 2009, I was interested in becoming an engineer. I shifted in my first year of school into psychology. Interestingly enough, I kind of ended up in marriage and family therapy, which uses systems theory, which is kind of a mathematical theory like an engineering theory, to understand how relationships work, that we're all within a system, and so those two things kind of came together in the end. Long story short. For years and years and years now I have just really been immersed in how relationships work. I've been really curious about them and it feels like that's come naturally for me.

Speaker 1: 3:43

Back when I was in St Cloud going to school that's where I graduated from St Cloud State University. I was working in the Boys and Girls Club up there and really enjoyed my time working with the youth in those Boys and Girls Clubs and I really thought that that's where my career would kind of go. I would graduate and I'd get a job working with youth who, from my perspective, were really looking for strong relationships in their life, and that's probably one of the reasons why I really enjoyed that job. So many of those kids had difficult home lives. They were really excited to have someone that they could interact with, who was happy to see them, who was interested in their lives, and I just really enjoyed that aspect to that job as I got out of school, I was working with kids in their homes and that's where things began to shift. I began to really recognize that there's only so much time that you're allowed to work with a kid. For the most part, and in my job, it was like an hour a week, sometimes an hour every other week, and it was just really hard to provide those kids the skills and the tools and even the relationship that they needed to have significant improvement and healing. So I started looking at the relationships that those kids were living under and their parents and I began to get curious about that. Can we work with the parents to support the child? And as I started to move in that direction, I began to recognize it was really difficult to get the parents to support the child because there was so much conflict happening between them. That's what led me to getting interested in romantic couple relationship and marriage. I found that so many marriages are struggling to communicate in ways that allow for clarity, in ways that create a secure bond with each other, and I began to really study that. In the meantime I started a painting business. I sold that painting business and then I started my own therapy practice just about five years ago now.

Speaker 1: 5:42

Over that five years, I've dabbled in a lot of different types of therapy. I've dabbled in a lot of different types of therapy. I've dabbled in a lot of different mental health issues and I've really found a home working with marriages that want to stay together, that are looking to understand why is it so difficult if they care about each other and they want to stay together, why is it so difficult to be together? My studies then have turned to emotionally focused therapy and the Gottman method, and I've studied those ways of creating change within relationships that are struggling, that are having a hard time feeling secure within their connection. It's just been fascinating. For me, all of this is embedded within attachment theory, so I've studied a lot of attachment theory too. That has really led me to the five years of my business called Pivotal Approach Counseling and Coaching, and I continue to run that here out of Buffalo. I meet with clients one-on-one, one-on-two. I'm helping, guide them through their relationship confusion, their relationship challenges, and giving them skills and tools so that they can have a secure bond with each other, and I love that work.

Speaker 1: 6:53

Now I just ended a podcast called the Fighting for Connection podcast. I ended that. I was 90 episodes in. I did that in 90 weeks straight and I'm looking to keep that streak alive here with this new podcast.

Speaker 1: 7:07

And this new podcast is under a new business which is called Marriage Essentials, and it's a business that I started with my father. He's been, you know, an amazing figure in my life. He oh I should have asked him before I recorded this, but he's been married for a long time. If I had to guess, I would say, oh, probably not quite 50 years, getting close to it. It's really been something that I've been able to look up to. It's been really important for me to see how a couple navigates through challenges and stays together in this business, marriage Essentials. He has some business background that I feel like will really support this dream and this vision that I have for Marriage Essentials, so I asked him to be a part of it, and we have some really big dreams. We have a vision of creating a place where marriages can come to for support, for connection, for direction, for ideas. If you're following along here on this podcast on Instagram, what you're watching here today or you're listening to here today is the seeds just being planted into the ground of something that we think can be really, really amazing and a big support to marriages here within Minnesota, around the United States and globally.

Speaker 1: 8:26

To have that type of big dream happen, you have to start somewhere. That's been something that I've had to step back and recognize that big change starts one step at a time. There's an old adage that you got to eat an elephant one bite at a time, and this dream really feels like it's that big we're ready to take it on and we're ready to start. Take it on and we're ready to start. I see the marriage as a fundamental aspect of society. Creating healthy bonds between the parents of the future the healthier those kids will likely be, and it just makes sense that we spend a lot of time and a lot of energy doing what we can to get as much information out there, develop as many opportunities for couples to get help, to get support, to get skills and tools that will allow them to have a more secure, healthy bond with each other so that our future is healthier. It's something that, to me, makes so much sense To do that my message for you is that it has to start somewhere, and I really believe it can start with you, no matter what your relationship looks like, whether you're single or you've been married for a long time.

Speaker 1: 9:40

I believe that there is an opportunity to do some work, to develop some skills, to improve the way that you communicate, the way that you understand yourself, to develop language around what's happening within you, so that you can have more secure bonds into the future. And it doesn't start with your partner, it doesn't start with your spouse, it doesn't start with anybody else. It starts with you, and that is something that you will hear consistently through this podcast. Relationship support, I feel like, has been taboo or it's something that isn't always talked about, because there's this idea that there's no one way to do a relationship. I'm going to handle a situation my way. You can handle a situation your way, which I can accept. If you're happy and content within your relationship and you don't even want to consider improving or maintaining your relationship, more power to you If you're wanting to establish a more secure bond and you're wanting to experience less pain and confusion within your relationship.

Speaker 1: 10:43

I really believe that there are basic skills, essential tools and frameworks that we can apply to our relationship. These skills, tools and frameworks have been clinically researched in therapeutic settings and we can utilize them outside of therapy. We don't necessarily need to go to therapy to learn them and to utilize them within our relationship. We can use them in our homes, in our conversations, in our cars and really in those, like late night, desperate, contentious conflicts that, at least in my life, have occurred and I'm guessing if you're in a long-term relationship, you know what I'm talking about. Let's learn how to use these skills, tools and frameworks within our relationship so that we can create less damage in those times of conflict and those times of confusion that crop up. When we can do this work and we can understand these skills, tools and frameworks, we'll also create more awareness of our behaviors and its effects on other people and relationships to us. We'll better understand why people around us are behaving the way that they are, and really it's not so that we can teach them or change them, but it's so that we can bring clarity and reassurance to the most challenging relationship situations that we end up in.

Speaker 1: 11:56

If you find yourself really wanting your spouse to listen to this, pause and come back to this message that this is your work. It's no one else's work to do. I'm going to show you what some of the things are that you can do, what some of the things are that you can communicate, what some of the things are that you can use to have the best relationship possible and, of course, if your spouse is wanting the same things and they're wanting to learn, share this podcast with them, but if you're wanting to give this as like a lesson to them, or to teach them or to make them more of who you want them to be, I would hold off. This podcast is going to be focused on the place that you really have the most control over, which is you, and it's going to be focused on helping you understand what's happening within your relationship, why you maybe end up in conflict at times, why you want to do one thing in your relationship but you find yourself doing another. It's going to focus on helping you understand how often you think you're communicating one thing, but other people are perceiving something completely different, and what you can do to make sure that the love and the care and the worry that you hold within yourself in your relationship is communicated in a way that gives you the best chance at a positive relationship experience. Along with that, I will be bringing on relationship experts and integrating stories that will inspire you and allow you to peek inside other people's relationships to see what they have learned.

Speaker 1: 13:28

With that we begin this podcast. I'm excited to be here. I'm ready to get to work to bring you all of the essentials so that you can truly have the best relationship possible with your spouse. Have a great week, everybody, bye-bye. You have been listening to the Marriage Essentials podcast. I hope that you found some valuable insights and inspiration to apply to your relationship. Don't forget to follow us on Instagram at marriage underscore essentials for more content like this. Until next time, keep nurturing your love and remember that a happy marriage really is a journey. It's not a destination. Take care and I'll see you in the next episode.